We may not think that children know what is happening in homes where there is domestic violence because we try to hide it. But children know more than we think. If your child has witnessed abuse in your home, he/she may have certain reactions.
Some common emotional reactions:
- Lives in constant fear
- Feels worthless
- Is afraid to go home because of the abusive adult's mood swings
- Confused about love. May think that love is abuse
- Continues the cycle of violence because that is what they know
- Feels isolated and alone
- Feels that it is only happening to them
- Withdraws from friends and family
- Acts out at school
- Becomes depressed
- Feels guilty
- Is angry
- Feels helpless
- Feels that it is his/her fault
Some common physical reactions:
- Tiredness
- Stomachaches
- Fast-beating heart
- Nervousness
- Headaches
- Restlessness
- Dizziness
These feelings may continue through adulthood and are carried into close relationships. This may cause the cycle of abuse to continue.
There is help for you and your children.
- Build family support, encourage closeness with siblings.
- Find positive role models for your children: a teacher, a relative, a friend…
- Find support in the community, such as mentoring programs and youth activities.
- Talk to a counselor.
There are ways that you can help your children when in your home:
- Encourage children to speak with other adults for support, such as teachers, relatives, neighbors, etc…
- Listen to your children. Do not talk over them or explain away the violence.
- Establish and maintain family routines (chores, meals, naps, bedtimes) and rules.
- Take time out when you are losing your patience with your children; for example, practice deep breathing, count to ten, or go to your room.
- Spend time with your children doing calming activities, such as story books, music, walks, games and baking.
- Take care of yourself by doing something relaxing or something that you enjoy; for example reading, writing, exercising or visit a friend. Your children will follow your example.
There is help, you are not alone and it's okay to talk about it!
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